Hey Dummy, Stop It!

I used to be a tech admin for Geek Squad before I ran away to California to be a comedian and let me tell you…stupid doesn’t recognize state lines. Back in good ol’ Michigan we had a lady come in and ask us if we could fix her computer because it was “possessed” and we of course thought she had made an error in her terminology. Our response was “Do you mean it has a virus?” and she said “No, I took it to my priest already but he told me to bring it to you.” Now this wasn’t a clever ruse on her part to mess with us, she truly believed this to be the case. Long story short we checked it in and fixed it. I tell you this story because my astonishment never ceases at how dumb people can be, even here, in California. So let me talk to my fellow L.A. citizens here (and if you are in another state and this applies to you then go ahead and put it into action). Learn to fucking drive! If you are on the expressway go ahead and keep going the speed limit even if there is a bend in the road ahead, the highway monster isn’t going to pop out and get you…that’s a myth. If someone in the other lane is braking, you can go ahead and not brake! Crazy right?! I mean the other lane is slowing down so you should also, I mean its only logical. If someone is slowing down next to you then something crazy must be happening ahead and we don’t want any part of that nonsense. Actually no nonsense is going on ahead, most likely what happened is someone all the way in the far right lane slowed to exit and then someone in the lane next to them slowed and then that thinking trickled down all the way to the person in front of me in the far left lane who has no one in front of them. Next on the agenda: it’s called a turn signal asshole, use that shit! Rain, lets talk about it! If you live in California and you don’t understand the concept of rain and you just have to drive like a total dick and clog the entire expressway just don’t leave the house. I know it will be tough because you have a busy day of fuckin up everyone else’s shit and need to get to work but just call in “stupid” to work that day. If you want to site see buy a bike, don’t take a car out and drive slow just to get a good look at that new McDonalds that went up in your town. If you can follow these rules you are well on your way to a great productive driving lifestyle. If you cant then I implore you, please dummy stop driving!